Simple, Effective Tips for How to Ask for a Recommendation / Reference Letter

Good morning and happy Sunday! We are smashing through this first week of the new decade. At the start of a new year, a number of students and faculty are starting to look for fellowships. Other students and working professionals will be looking to get hired or change jobs. A critical part to any of these is (a) solid reference or recommendation letter(s)! There are many bad ways to ask for those. Today’s post covers the most important tips on asking for, and receiving, a great letter of reference.

Reference / Recommendation Letter Tip #1: Choosing your letter writer

You’d think this would go without saying, but you’d be wrong. There is inherent value, beyond just “brownnosing”, to establishing relationships with senior people in your field. Strong interpersonal relationships turn into strong reference / recommendation letters. These letters are a rare opportunity for someone that isn’t you to talk about you and what you’ve done/who you are. It is obvious when a letter writer doesn’t know the applicant well. Frankly, it’s a little rude to ask for a letter from someone you don’t know – letter writers are busy people too, and all of a sudden some random student/employee they’ve never met needs a rec letter?

In order to give yourself the best shot, choose reference letter writers that know you well personally and professionally. If you read between the lines here, I’m also saying you should continue (or start if you haven’t) investing time in relationships with senior coworkers/mentors. When you need a letter, they’re happy and well-equipped to write one.

Side note – sometimes you don’t have a choice. For example, I recently needed a letter from every member of my thesis committee. My advisor and my department chair know me well personally and professionally, but that’s not the case for the rest of my committee. In this case, the next tip is all the more critical.

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Reference / Recommendation Letter Tip #2: Ask for the right kind of letter; Communicate expectations of the letter

Not all reference / recommendation letters are created equal. They often should be, and are expected by the hiring/selection committee to be, tailored to the opportunity. For example, I recently applied to a fellowship, where reference letters are intended to comment on my thesis plan’s viability and importance. While character references are nice, they would have totally missed the point and therefore wasted letter slots on my application. Frankly, in some cases I’d be better off not asking for a letter at all than getting one that doesn’t answer the committee’s questions.

Communicate your expectations, and those of the selection committee, to the letter writer. It’s very simple to do this, in your request for a reference / recommendation letter add a line or two regarding the type of content you hope they will address, among others. This can actually help the writer get an idea of where to start, which as heavy writers ourselves we understand the value of.

Reference / Recommendation Letter Tip #3: Timelines and reminders, reminders, reminders

Reference / recommendation letter writers are people, too. Busy people, at that. No matter how cool you are or how great your relationship is with your writer, the letter isn’t their top priority. It can’t be. It’s at minimum annoying, and at maximum totally rude and a nonstarter, to request a letter on very little notice. The rule of thumb I try to use is 3-4 weeks out from the deadline. This allows the writer to say “okay I don’t have time for this now, but I will at some point before the deadline”.

Once you’ve asked for (and received approval) the letter, send reminders. Consistently. Again, the letter isn’t the writer’s top priority, and not all managers are well-organized. Scratch that, many are not. I had friends in undergrad miss out on chances at fellowships because letters were never submitted. Send reminders. Assuming 3-4 week timeline, send the initial ask, then maybe follow up at 1 and 2 weeks, and then a couple days before the deadline. Don’t spam, but send reasonable reminders. Ask the writer if you’re unsure what they’d like.

Reference / Recommendation Letter Tip #4: Give the writer everything they’ll need to write a strong letter

Even mentors/superiors you have the strongest relationships with can struggle to write. Submitting everything they’ll need in advance of them asking does two things that are very polite. 1) It gives them a jumping off point and a bunch of content to work from. 2) It prevents them inevitably having to ask for these documents, which is another email for them to send, wait for your reply on, and then track down in their inbox. While not an exhaustive list, a typical “total package” might include your resume or CV, all of the essays you’ve written for the application, and your transcript among others.

Reference / Recommendation Letter Tip #5: Be prepared to write the letter yourself

Disclaimer: it is never okay to write made-up recommendation letters for yourself from people that don’t exist or people that do exist but didn’t agree to recommend you. This section deals with cases where the person is happy to be a recommendation, but asks you to draft the letter for them.

Ah, you thought I was going to leave this out? No chance. It is a common practice in academia (and sometimes in industry) to draft your own recommendation letters. You can VEHEMENTLY oppose the practice and promise to never do it when you manage people, but right now you’ve got to deal. Your reference will likely ask you to draft the letter yourself and send it to them for final edits. Once you move past the annoyance, it actually could be worse – you get to design the narrative that the “writer” sends in on your behalf. It’s really annoying, but one silver lining is that writing good recommendations for yourself will teach you to write good recommendations for others, another skill you’re never formally taught in graduate school.

Writing a letter for yourself isn’t the end of the world. The hard part is when more than one of your writers asks you to draft the letter for the same application. Now, you’ve got two letters to do, but also have to make them sounds substantially different from each other. Think “Sure you can copy my homework but just change it a bit“. A friend in graduate school had to draft letters for FOUR writers in the same application, and I think their head nearly exploded from the challenge.

Reference / Recommendation Letter Tip #6: Hope for the best

Reference / recommendation letters are a critical component of many applications. They just are. Unless you draft each letter yourself, there’s no way to know what’s being said as many applications require confidential letter submission. There’s nothing you can do other than hope the letter they wrote says that you hung the moon. So breathe. You’re a strong applicant, control the stuff you can control.

What’s been your experience with recommendation letters? Do these tips ring true? Let me know in the comments, subscribe to my email list (right side bar), and follow me on social (below) so you’ll never miss an update! Happy reading

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